Are there any left who haven't kissed the enemy?

hello loves! :D

So, I'm in a fairly good mood today, and I really am not sure, but I guess I shouldn't question it. It's funny too, because I have to spend the majority of today writing a research essay (or research "paper" as you Americans call it), and when I say majority, I mean from start to finish, the planning, the researching, the reading, and oh yeah, the WRITING. Can you (exasperatedly) say "FUCK!"? Ugh. Of course, I did it to myself. Please, allow me explain: this essay was due last Tuesday, but the deadline was extended to tomorrow, being the following week from then. So if it had it's earlier date I would've been done by now! But noooo, I HAD to leave it to the last day. Ah well, comes with the personality...which I acquired arguably at birth, so no whining...not for now...maybe later :D

So today, I usually only have class for an hour, but my BFF (haha...) said I should stick around and come earlier to a class I USUALLY skip cause its online and I am one lazy fat ass. SO I hauled ass to school, more importantly dragged my mom to drive me this morning at about 9, which isn't technically LATE but she bitched about it anyway. What's new? ANYWAY, we hung out all morning (my friend, not my mom: WHOA!), and by that I mean till about 12, when I ditched that joint ("joint" being UTSC, I am trying to develop new vocabulary...or as I incorrectly said the other day, "terminology")...ahem. Anyway it really got me happier, and more excited and lifelike, since I've been a little mellow the past few months it got me out of it. Never a bad thing to hang out with your friends...who would've guessed?

SO (and yes, I will start each paragraph with "so" if I damn well feel like it :D), since I've been so pathetic/depressed/moody lately (and I mean literally...if you enter my room on any given day and hour, my utter sadness and hopelessness and nasty desperation will be easily counteracting it's bright cheery yellowness - seriously, guys, it's like a cave for ex-happy people...not that I ever was...ahem.), I've been thinking this summer holiday, which is coming in one very short month, THANK FUCKING GOD, that I should keep my self busy, maybe become a wonderful little type A camp counsellor for some kid's summer camp...I don't have a particular fondness for children, don't get me wrong, HOWEVER, I may just spend 4 months unsticking glue sticks from sticky fingers and wiping vomit off worktables just to get myself to the happy, outgoing, uber-excited person I once was...LOL. OK, again don't get me wrong, I'm not sure I was EVER that happy. Let's just say I need life back in me, I need my batteries...I need to be watered (you can do it, photosynthesis! come on man!)...I need...I need...to be taped back together again? *sigh* No that last one was too emo and overdramatic for even me...haha...ha. SO, if you ever wonder why I can't just eat a chocolate bar and some other sugared confectionary to get out of my slump, REFER TO THIS BLOG. :D I will be happy to redirect you in any case, so feel free to send me a distressed (or whatever emotion you may be feeling, yes, it may be amusement) email :D

SOOOOO, the next few weeks will be spent writing essays and thinking up summer plans (much better than fantasizing about what will happen four yrs from now...), and the few weeks after THAT month-long bitch will be spent studying for some delicious exams. YESSSS :D

ALRIGHT (ha! I broke the "so" spell...I knew I could do it...:D), I am currently home alone and will be for a few more hours so time to get my study on....:D

....god...the over-enthusiasm in this blog entry sickens me. Back to procastinating, bitches :D Wish me luck.

hey guys.

so, there is roughly a month left at UTSC, and I could not be happier. It hasn't quite hit me yet, most likely because it's still so far off it feels like, and there's a ton of work to be done from now until then: MAJOR *sigh*

This week, I've got 2 essays and a Psych. report due, which I need to get working on. My Children's Lit. Essay is due today, and so far all I've written is the thesis, yay me! :D The thing is, I am lacking motivation, I just need the TINIEST bit, and it would do it for me. I just keep straying, and daydreaming about the long term, and how much better things will be once I graduate...in 3.5 years, lol, so you see how ridiculous I'm being...ugh...if only I could stop thinking about that...or just stop thinking at all.

Not much to really say today, I just didn't want my bday post to be at the top, and I figured doing some writing may get me out of my block. Yesterday I tried just writing anything, ANYTHING, and nothing happened. The thing is, most of the good writing I did, with the stories I took seriously, and began writing, are all on my old school computer...which uses disks...without a USB input...lol, basically I need to get the disk going, and then find some place that will operate it and let me transfer everything to a USB...library, hopefully!

And now, my room is FREEZING, just when I thought the weather was getting better. And last night was daylight savings, so I'm losing a very valuable hour...ugh. In any case, I've relocated to my bed, and it's so sunny, I love it. Hopefully I won't fall asleep...seeing as how tired I am.

Alright, I do believe this tops my list of most boring blogs...though I do have to say to everyone, watch Coraline! I just read the book for my essay (to compare with Alice in Wonderland...a delicious combo), and I am DYING to see the movie, it looks AMAZING. It really is Alice on acid...:{D

hey kiddies.

so, not TOO much has been going on, but more than usual. Last Saturday, the 21st, was my 19th bday, which was pretty amazing, in that I really did get everything I wanted which I wasn't expecting. And my family pretty much surprised me with it all and this semi-elaborate bday dinner setup, lol, difficult to explain but very nice. It was great to finally have something that I could use to focus on myself...I think I needed some attention? Lol, my best job trying to make that sound good. In any case, some of the highlights: 2 new Augusten Burroughs book, "Dry" and "A Wolf at the Table", both amazing. I've read the first but not yet the second, which just came out last year, so I am dying to make my way through that. :D He's my favourite author; his books aren't fiction, more so as he calls them "memoirs", but they're these amazing stories, because for one thing they are mental in a good way, cause he's had a mental life and family, and I love his writing. This is the first time in ages I'll be reading for fun...lol. The book nerd in me will finally get to come out for a bit...other things? Some great necklaces/rings/etc., I've developed a thing for that kinda stuff this year, so that was great! A great peace sign tote, which I desperately wanted and needed, a James Dean DVD from my brother, which was one of the best surprises I gotta say...and of course, some really sick iPod speakers, which I am using the hell out of right now, lol. So yeah, some great loot, and it wasn't just materialistic, don't worry your little selves. A couple days before that my sister and her BF, tricked me into coming to school to "study" and I ended up REALLY doing an INSANELY elaborate scavenger hunt through the entire campus, to find my present: AMAZING. KILLER. UNTOPPABLE. LOL. I LOVED IT. felt really good! the fact they spent all that time doing that for me?! wow. the gift of course was a huge Noel Fielding poster, whom I LOVE, and will marry in a seperate life, lol, and it's in pieces, and once you put it together it makes a huge poster from a tiny photo, all comprised of dots, REALLY SICK. and then her BF, who i guess is one of my BF's now, lol, gave me the Toy Story 2 DVD: AMAZING. TOY STORY FOR LIFE GUYS. <3 anddd I actually got to spend half the day with my best friend at UTSC on the day, and waste a couple hours watching Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, which was...not very good, lol. I LOVED the first, and this was funny, but a little too...well...let's just say I watched the unrated version, and there was a ton of unecessary scenes in there...but in any case, H&K <3 Conclusion: I prefer Kal Penn much better as a stoner than a doctor. :D

EXAMS ARE OVER. Thank god, my last was on Friday, for Psych., which I studied fairly well for, once the motivation kicked in a couple days before. I think I did kinda awesome, but I'm not getting too excited. My English exam went much better than expected, as did my Children's Lit. one. Nex week, I've got about 3 essays due....ANDDDD, I am realizing today's blog is not very thrilling. Hm.

...Watched Brothers & Sisters an hour ago...I think I cried 3 times? LOL. Wow, that is HUGE for me. I usually get teary eyed but don't actually cry. I mean what can I do, when they play "Fix You" by Coldplay and Kitty is crying to her mom? And then  Kevin cries too?! MY GOD. Too much. But great episode, though lots and LOTS of shit happened. I'm actually worrying for these characters as though they're my own family, but I love them. I STRONGLY recommend that show, guys.

OK....Guess I'm out, maybe tomorrow, I'll come in and do a better more entertaining blog...? Hmmm...

P.S. TODAY'S GOOGLE SIGN IS AWESOMEEEEE. I <3 DR. SEUSS :D

hey kiddies.

so, bit of an update here, seeing as how LJ has just informed me I have not posted in roughly 5 weeks. ah. how unfortunate, it just hasn't even occured to me to post lately, but alas I shall try to make something of it.

SO. i guess the big news is that my 19th birthday is coming up this Saturday, which is pretty awesome. I usually don't get too excited about birthdays for some reason, and I thought I wouldn't this time either, seeing as how this past year has been FULL of consistent disappointments, and hopelessness and of course, procrastination - i hate that guy! *sigh* but then of course i insist that perhaps the latter two stem from my extreme lack of motivation. No motivation to make friends, have a social life (as limited a one as I can have), and do any form of school work. You'd think I would since I am endlessly dreaming of escaping UTSC and Centennial Rd. (i.e. my parents), and going to a brilliant grad school and achieve my moderately brilliant degree so that I can have my moderately brilliant job (shrink? journalism? hmm...). ANYWAY, basically 2008 and it appears 2009 as well, so far, have found me in this sad, bottomless pit of depression, BUT for some reason my bday this Saturday has me a bit hopeful. A day about me, despite that I hate attention, I want it, BADLY. Because how can anything bad happen then?

In other news, it's finally my fucking reading week. So basically my March Break, haha. I'm still translating Uni. events into high school ways of life. But in any case, I have a few essays to write up, and a few exams to study for, and I intend on getting some shit done. However, I just realized how much relaxed I am when I don't feel the obligation and guilt I have associated with school. It's so euphoric, and I never use that word, lol. Anyway, I need to smack myself and kinda get out of it and just be moderately (yes, i love this word today) euphoric, so I can actually get work done and not be so last minute. That ends up involving no sleep.

What else? V-Day was lonely as usual. But Valentine's never even occurs to me, because I have been perpetually single since I left the womb. However my sister's been actually making some progress/non-progress in Boy Land (my using of this phrase should reiterate just how single my life has been), and this just reminds me and hits home the idea that my single-ness will last me for quite some time. *sigh* I need some lovin'.

Also, Vicky Cristina Barcelona is FANTASTIC. And it got me to Wiki Woody Allen, who has had 21 Oscar noms, I believe 6 (?) for writing, which just makes me want to BE him. At least now I know there's something to him besides his semi incestuous/pedophilic relationship with his girl - which I think don't even mind. They love eachother, so whatever. The only one getting screwed there was Mia Farrow, his wife...haha...how unfortunate. ANYWAY, I need a Woody Allen week, and since this week is "Watch All The Oscar Movies Before Oscar" Week, I'll have to fit that in sometime in March. Look at me, scheduling movies...

Last thing: Adele won best new artist at the Grammy's! I was so happy, she's so sick. If you like Amy Winehouse, you'd love her, and this is huge for me. I've never loved a female artist this much since Britney, LOL.

Alright, kids, later :>{I

So, I have never been one for Craigslist, but today I was browsing for the hell of it. Has anyone ever read the "Missing Connections" bit?

It's the cutest thing ever. Basically, if you saw someone, thought you made a connection with them but didn't get their name or number, you leave your message here and hope they see it. The chances of this are probably insanely slim...anorexic even, but it's really sweet.

Some of them are extremely vague, but that kind of makes it even sweeter, some of my favourites for today in Toronto:

Brunette @ Tim Hortons: m4w (King & John)

"You were sitting in the booth with a blue shirt saying something about not eloping. You looked so cute I wish I had the courage to just come talk to you.

But alas you left before I could. "

We missed each other: mfw: 27

"While standing in line. Sorry it looked like I was playing with myself. That's where I hide my money. "

We shared a cab home: m4w (751 Queen Street W.)

"You’ve studied fashion design and medieval studies. You’re embarrassed by larpers. You’re destined for Europe. Your home town in British Columbia was boring. But you’re not. You’re fascinating and I want to hear more about you. The conversation flowed so naturally during our cab ride home that we have to follow it up with a date. If we just sat in a cab and drove around Toronto for another 20 minutes, I’d feel like the luckiest guy in the world."

I'm not an astronaut, but: 41 (Manulife)

"We were in the same line at the grocery store in the Manulife this morning. We talked about Mercury and gas giants. You were cute. And nice. Coffee?"


For fellow Torontonians: http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/mis/ Otherwise, google it babies. It's worth a wasted 15 mins. or so. :)

P.S. My song totally suits this...

my new year's resolutions, bitches:

• meet and befriend POSH & BECKS and bring a friend with me (imagine it! we could stage a high stakes plan involving kidnapping BECKS for our own sexual pleasures, and luring POSH into Marc Jacobs: the ultimate distraction, we could probably trap her in a bag...hm.)
• find JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and beat him with a whip, and demand an answer to the following question: why have you become such a douchebag?!
• BE kidnapped by RUSSELL BRAND, and become one of his many sexual conquests...HAHA. ok. ahem. and yno, just become his permanent live-in girlfriend, whether he likes it or not. :D
• start a cult heavily influenced by LSD, insulin & P.V.A. Glue...ohhh...my own religion! our purpose to live: eliminate all the douchebaggery in the world (i.e. justin timberlake...idiots...incompetent fools...madonna...miley cyrus/brothers jonas...music elitists...the bbc...my parents...haha!)
• follow THE MIGHTY BOOSH on the imaginary canadian leg of their tour, and then reconvene in london, and become a new fixture to the group, where i can get my own personal pleasures fullfulled (i.e. the laughs & the sex - i'm looking at you NOEL...:D)
• hmm....buy bananas and coke six packs with SHIA LABEOUF at walgreens at 3 am, every morning, and ride around L.A. in his fab car
• become a KEANE or COLDPLAY overtly sexual groupie (or really any Brit band...), and maybe gain/spread a few STD's along the way
• befriend BRITNEY SPEARS...that's really it. trust me, i'm a sick friend.
• buy KALAN PORTER a curly wig, a tshirt and tight jeans, and remind him what a floorgasm is...oh and burn those fucking suits
• abduct hot boys off the streets of london & new york and put them in my closet for future arm candy use...and more ;)
• buy the MCDONALDS chain...i already spend enough on them, the least they could do is confess their ownership, i've earned it!
• head over to oceanside wellness in L.A. and ask to see PETE so he can treat me HOLISTICALLY for whatever symptoms of insanity i may have...and then maybe be impregnated by COOPER...lol.
• reassess UTSC...perhaps bring it back to its bomb shelter/horse stables/mansion in the backyard days
• kidnap WHITNEY PORT & steal her life...;)
• become the third sister on BROTHERS & SISTERS...however this may cause complications, because there maybe some incestuous conflicts once i arrive...oops...heh. maybe i should just stick to neighbours...?
• run away to NEW YORK and befriend CHUCK, DAN & NATE...& BLAIR, just in time for YALE...haha :)

yes, i'm a loser, but this was fun...:D

hello!

...tomorrow will be the last day of my finals, which is such a big, gargantuan (and I have never used that word before, so now you know how HUGE this really is) relief. And yet I am one of those people who hates being at school and yet also hates being at home. I feel as though I'd be perfectly fine being at school going through the second term (in which I have FANTASTIC classes), as long as there are no exams. It's nice having something to get up in the morning for, and escape the prison that is my home (I don't say this bitterly at the present moment...well maybe a little, it's just a simple fact I'm quite used to) - see, I have quite overprotective parents, so the only time I really get to be out of the house is when I'm at UTSC. Which is basically a high school meets bomb shelter kind of place...but more on that later, ;)

SO, upon studying, or actually THINKING of studying for my English Narrative exam tomorrow, I just wanted to say...READ FRANKENSTEIN...AND THE GREAT GATSBY. I've had to read both for this class, and I LOVED them. HOWEVER, I don't know which was better, or I can't really say...they're so different, 2 completely separate genres. BUT Gatsby was not as great as people have said...I think Beach Music is MUCH better...and Mystic River...and others...but, it was still really good, and I love reading about the 20's and dirty sexy rich people...lol. Not to mention, I always thought Frankenstein was this silly horror story, but when I actually read it, it was so ridiculously awesome. I mean srsly, guys, like srsly. When I look up tragedy, I'd expect to see that there. It's not that it was just 'sad' but it was so....heart breaking...and yet I wasn't exploding in tears...although I did get teary eeyd...ok, *putting the nerd away*

I watched last week's Dirty Sexy Money, and does anyone think things ar egetting out of hand? What the hell was that episode? I'm talking shootings & love confessions - that sounds pretty hot, though doesn't it? In any case, today's episode has better calm down a bit...and I can't wait to see it...but no spoiler, bitches.

Also I seem to be back on that fucking relentless HILLS bandwagon...jeez. It was on, I was procrastinating, and dare I say it...I WATCHED. And I LIKED...in that mindlessly addictive I-Know-This-Show-Is-Shit-But-I-Like-It-Anyway way.*sigh* I mean guys! Heidi and Lauren reunion?! Adorable Spencer and his flesh colored beard?! Nana Pratt?! Whitney mindlessly leaving for New York?! Audrina losing millions of brain cells every episode?! COME ON NOW. LOL, I LOVE IT. And I am gonna watch the finale religiously, and I'll probably be catching up to episodes I missed on MTV's marathon this weekend...*sigh* I know, I'm pathetic. *accepts bitchslap*

TO DO: WRITE THAT DAMN DOLL MAG. ARTICLE!!! STUDY FOR THAT EXAM!!! *sigh*

The shackles come off Thursday at 9. If you hear screaming and over-indulgent Russell Brand-type orgasming, that would be me...or the drunk who lives next door considering I am the type who takes excitement quietly, whispering "YESSSSS!!!" to myself and running (sorry, I meant slowly walking...I stopped running in 1998) home to watch a Ponderland marathon...:D

...so, i really, desperately need to be studying right now, seeing as how i have an exam in roughly 7.5 hours. and yet, i have absolutely ZERO motivation.

I've youtubed, ontd'd, gmail'd, last.fm'd, sugar'd...and now i am exhausted, lol...and nevertheless LJ-ing.

However, I can say that my procrastination has been improving! Since Monday, I've been procrastinating less and less (who decided to make that word so long anyway?). This shocks the hell out of me, I never thought I would actually get out of it, and I guess what did it for me is worse than failing my Stats Final on Saturday, That really shook me up; I figure if I do really well on the rest of my exams, it won't feel so bad...? Yes, I think so. So I've been studying for my Psych. Final like a bitch this week, which is tomorrow. HOWEVER, my Poetry Final is tonight, and I've done nothing for it. Funny the way things work out, isn't it? And I know, I know, most people have bio, chem, calc to study for...and English doesn't require much. But I do have a thousand poems to review...*sigh* I'm sure once I get to it, I won't really mind it...

Not to mention I am in desperate need of a shower...ugh.

What else, what else? Ah yes! A new online mag got back to me, and apparently wants me to freelance for them/be a regular writer...I'm not too sure yet, we're supposed to talk sometime soon. In any case, it's called "IN-COLOR", and is basically about the entertainment world from the perspective of people...well, of color...? Lol, yes, and me being an overtly white-washed brown girl in the brownest part of Toronto and the whitest street of Scarborough...this shouldn't be too hard, lol. But I'm quite happy, I'm really racking up the credits. Now I just have to get that Doll Mag. article done by the deadline...and do decently well on exams...and more work sent in by Fringe...*sigh*

Dec. 18, when are you getting here?!

trouble is a friend...i'm a sucker for his charm...

SRSLY, i am obsessed with this song! it was playing at the end of last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy when sexy McArmy violently made out with Cristina against a wall...IKR?

speaking of awesome music, GO DOWNLOAD CIRCUS // BRITNEY SPEARS NOW. it's amazing, the only time i stopped listening is now...*sigh* very addictive, as usual. my favourite? MMM PAPI. lol. enough said.

SO, why am i making a post now? on Wednesday night/Thursday morning at 1:14 AM when i have an assignment due the following night i have not only not begun but not even contemplated? WELL, its snowing! and it was actually snowing earlier but not like this. this past weekend, there were inches and inches of snow in Barrie and Orillia, and Scarborough was all clear. WELL, not tonight. i'm looking out, and the road and sidewalks are white. and it really is BEAUTIFUL. i love it! HOWEVER, two seconds later I think of what hell it will be walking between classes, and actually stepping outside with the cold bitchslapping me in the face. ugh. and might i add, a winter has not passed, when i haven't fallen on either butt cheek hard against the ice. and mind you, there are ALWAYS people around. *sigh*

in more exciting news, i have a job! well somewhat of one. maybe i should give in and just say...ugh...volunteer...*shudder* i'm not paid, AND, i can do it all at home. basically, I'm a copyeditor for an online magazine called FRINGE. check it out babies. it's pretty great, HOWEVER i've been getting sacked with 15 page pieces to edit. which to be honest, i've actually enjoyed EDITING, never thought I'd say that! it's great, because it's helping out my editing skills which have always been lacking. also it was advertised as being a job that takes up '20 hours a year', when you consider about 4-5 issues a year, lol. i don't know how long i'll stick around on it, but it's a good gig to stick on my resume in any case. ALSO, another mag, SHAMELESS, which is amazing, and the editor is incredible for putting up with my shit (to quickly summarize: my parents wouldn't allow me to intern for her, even though the opportunity was BEYOND AMAZING, because they are overprotective, soul-sucking cunts...but that's another blog, isn't it?). Basically she said I could write for them instead of interning, and I'm waiting for her to get back to me sometime this week with an assignment, I suppose. I'm pretty excited. It's interesting. Almost like I've gone a step higher, now that I can write...though the word 'internship' would like amazing on a resume (will i ever get over this? hmmm....NO).

in less bitter news, a while back when i was internship-hunting, i contacted a new, virginal, Toronto magazine, called DOLL MAGAZINE, that had yet to come out. they weren't looking at the moment, but they would get back to me. well, last night they did, and forwarded me (and many others, i'm sure), a list of article ideas for their new issue. VERY EXCITING. i pitched my idea to one of the editors, and she seemed to like it, so we'll see how that goes. the topic? the evolution of a trend that has either liberated or oppressed women. MY idea/pitch: the way jeans have gone from being a farmer's uniform to a fashion staple, and how women have become more liberated alongside the increasing trend of jeans as a power item. *SIGH* it's going to be work, and i'm going to work my ass off to get it right. i have yet to publish an actual article, seeing as how published poetry/fiction won't get me too far. plus having a good rep. with DOLL MAG. could be good...we'll see. and last year, i did a project on the jeans trend, so i know a bit of what i'm saying. and any project where i can use James Dean as a prime example is a good project, lol.

...my grades are getting better, seeing as how i was almost failing in the first half of the term, so that's fantastic. quick goodness: i actually participated in my English tutorial today without being asked to, and it felt GOOD. to all you shy guys & girls out there, just say something, don't even raise your hand, just say it, it will feel SO good :D ...ahem...i've got 2 weeks left in the term, then final exams, then a 3 week break: YES. say it with me: ...YESSS. i just need a break where i have no reason to stress or be beating myself up.

in other news: i SERIOUSLY need a therapist. recommendations are welcome! :D

hello! :)

i haven't been here in awhile. 6 weeks to be exact, LJ is reminding me.

in that time, whats happened? WELL. i'm finally out of the dead end that is high school, and at UTSC, which is amazing. it's going well too, i like it quite a bit, probably cause it's such a change from high school...less of a routine, shorter days, more independent (i don't have a teacher or annoying over-achievers breathing down my neck). so, it's quite nice. my classes/lectures are all pretty good, i have to say.

psych. hasn't turned out to be as interesting as i'd hoped (it's my least favourite class....ugh)...ah well. i know you can't LOVE every class you take, trust me, just hoped it would be more interesting, since it is my second major. which just leads me back into all my worries about where i'm gonna go after these four years with an English degree...*sigh* ...but i knew that, didn't i? ...:)

SO. currently, i'm in the middle of midterms, which haven't been going VERY well but not terrible either, which i guess should satisfy me...i'm in a bit of a slump, really. and i thank my severe procrastination issues. damn you, russell brand. nah...i really love you REB. <3

so i finally watched the royal tenenbaums the other day after years of planning to do so, and it was GOOD, but it wasn't GREAT. i was hoping wes anderson would be my new favorite...but not so. i loved luke wilson though, and all of the characters for that matter, and the concept was great, and it WAS really good...just didnt meet my high expectations. i suppose that is my fault, though. HOWEVER, it did introduce me to an amazing soundtrack. for the first time in my life i'm listening to the rolling stones and the velvet underground...one song at a time, mind you. and i am ENJOYING it. it's like the beatles all over again...YES. guess i just needed the right song. :D

what else? hm. i suppose thats really it. just a bit of an update, nothing too thrilling. i'll be back soon....hopefully...:D

P.S. ...it's snowing...in October! :D

so, in ...what? 3 days and one night, I am going BACK to school.

well not school exactly, but university: ...yay? lol, well yes. i mean of course, in the end of this summer, i couldn't really figure out if i wanted to go back or not. i kept changing my mind.

a couple days ago, when my friend finally got back from her month long trip to malaysia (jealous!), we went over and spent a day at UTSC (my new 'school'). and it was fun, and it felt comforting too, like i fit there. which is shocking, considering the tiny campus - hahaha...ha? lol, but really it's great! anything to get me out of the order and strictness of a high school/public school setting without air conditioning is god.

in any case, my first class on my first day is psych. which is great, cause i love it and the prof., BUT, it's also the class where i will most likely be reunited with all my ex-schoolers, or classmates and such. the same people i want to get away from, so i actually feel like i changed schools and am moving on. anyway, enough bitching. i've recently fought with one of my best friends, or ex-friends, i suppose. now, i am a totally nice, calm person, i rarely get in fights with friends or lose them that way. i'm fairly harmless. but this one...well, i got the idea she never really cared for me the way i have for her. she's just never CARED. which is awful really. and thats the first you thing you need from a friend in order for them to be a friend. in any case, we (her, me, and my malaysian friend), were all going to UTSC TOGETHER (keyword). she ends up not communicating with us at all, choosing classes without us and all that. never spoke to me in the summer, knowing full well i was upset about this (and other things that shall not be mentioned). in any case, i made it clear the other day that i was pissed off, when she finally spoke to me by EMAIL, saying lets go tour the school...like what? where have you been? oh right...wait, you need me now. i get it. anyways, then she retaliated by saying fine, who cares, we're fair now, and this always happens to her...oh dear, i wonder why?

in any case, i'll be seeing her first thing first day - and i dont want to. i want her GONE, off the face of my planet...well my space. haha. i'm pretty sad about it. she was an awesome person to hang out with and i miss that already. *sigh*

i've never done that with a friend. but the ties needed to be cut. its kind of good, cause now i know i'm not as much of a pushover as i thought i was.

:)

hey guys :D

so today is INSANELY WET. as it has been raining continuously, all day long, on this very gloomy saturday afternoon. *sigh*

well the most exciting thing thats happened to me as of late, is i finally got myself a laptop! a silver sony vaio, to be exact, a graduation present from my parents. its pretty amazing having my own little computer with me, i have to say. much easier, as well.

what else? i have developed an overly large obsession with christian bale, so much so that i named my laptop after him, lol.

in any case, since i've gotten my computer, its felt like i'm one step closer to going to uni. and it feels better than it did before, i can say. my summer has consisted of...nothing? i've even been watching baseball, haha, yeah. and quite frankly, the jays are doing terrible. its just sad watching. i've really got nothing to do, besides still having to do my drivers written test. we'll see when that happens. ha.

i feel like watching a movie. thats what rainy days call for...and sleep. but i am actually wide awake right now...any movie ideas? i'm in the mood for something sad...hm...

...speaking of serious, the dark knight was AMAZING, beyond that even. best superhero movie i've ever seen (topping spiderman and superman, my lovelies). heath ledger was AMAZING; really good, i thought. that was one sexy joker.

now it's friday night, 10:54 PM, and i feel totally BLAH, as does the rest of my family. i would pay for something to do right now....*sigh*

i need some new music guys, if anyone can throw something out there. right now, i'm living off the fratellis last album (here we stand), which is awesome, but i need something different than my little british boy bands...ah jeez.

yes, i don't have anything to report on. i have nothing to do these days, and our family just cancelled our summer trip to somewhere outside of canada...for credible reasons, but still, *sigh*

i'm awaiting fresh GOSSIP GIRL and BROTHERS & SISTERS and MAD MEN (SUNDAY!!!)...and i guess, school...? NO, scratch that.

alright so for a suitable entry to read, SCROLL DOWN. :D

hey guys...or all the invisible people who read this blog. *waves*

SO today is an excellent day, only because i chose my classes today for my first year at UTSC. it's pretty exciting, i guess. i'm actually not that thrilled as i'd like to be, because really, not much is changing. i'm still living at home, and pretty much going to school with the same people, because UTSC is basically a community college, *sigh* and i've been there before, so it defeats the element of surprise, lol.

NOT TO SAY, i'm not excited, because i am. and the funny thing is, all yesterday i thoroughly planned out my classes like a crazy person throughout the day until 3 am. yes. crazy. anyway, i was stressing myself out like i do, because i was taking a bio. class (3 lectures + a lab), and i HATE science, esp. that particular class. i'm a humanities major, specifically english, so the bio is random, but my family insists i will one day become a doctor, and i should keep my options open and test the science waters with just taking a bio class. reasonable enough, yes? yes. i picked the classes this morning, and what do you know, humanities majors cant take any bio. because its reserved for science majors. reasonable, yes? yes. and i never even entertained that annoying thought before. so basically i had to fill in my back ups and NO BIOLOGY. i was ridic. annoyed at first. i had worked myself up about taking a class i didnt even want to take but felt like i had to and i'd be lazy if i didn't, and then when it comes time to take it, i can't even do it! *sigh* and then, as it turns out, all the hundreds of spaces filled in a matter of mins, as my friend whose a sci. major is even weight-listed...ah well.

now, after an hour passed of being pissed off at some damn computer not letting me take the course i had nightmarishly planned to take, i am RELIEVEd. IMMENSELY SO. it feels SO good to be a humanities major. i know its corny, but when i went for an orientation/info session at UTSC for humanities folk, i felt like i fit in. and i have never felt that way before in any of my classes (particularly science or math). this could be because i come from a school run by over-achievers who love to study and all dream of becoming doctors or engineers. ITS SO CORNY. but it felt so good. and now, that its done, it feels *right*, lol.

yes, i may end up living in a box, but at least i'm happy for the meantime...*sigh* :D

p.s. my (fall) classes:

1. critical thinking of narrative
2. critical thinking of poetry
3. modern europe I: 19th century (history subbed in for bio ...:D)
4. intro psych.
5. statistics I

HELLOOOOO.

well i should be happy, and i shouldn't be bored. why? because school, HIGH school is OVER forEVER! yes, i never have to go back to that hell, the place with teachers who don't care, and kids who don't give a fuck (and those who REALLY REALLY do: *sigh*). don't get me wrong, i will REALLY miss a few of my really good friends who i will for the most part never see again.

but its OVER. what a relief. i waited so damn long for it too.

and now with two months of summer vacation breathing down my neck, i have NOTHING to do. ok, scratch that, i DO have things i WANT to do, i just don't feel like doing any of them.

my mom's been pretty sick for almost a month now, i think, and she finally seems to be getting (slightly) better, which is nice. i've basically been spending my first week off 'babysitting' her, not that i mind. it's actually been kind of nice, except of course when she brings up school...*sigh* (which actually proves she's getting better...)

unfortunately i can't avoid that issue, on the tenth, i have to choose my classes for UTSC, my NEW school. which i think, will be FAR BETTER than high school. i'm going to be an english and psych. major...with possibly a political science minor. so far i've decide on taking 2 eng. courses, 1 psych. class, 1 poly. sci. class, and POSSIBLY a bio. class. why bio, you ask, when that particular course has tortured me for the past three years and caused many tears, heart burn, indigestion and upset stomach (haha...love pepto bismal commercials)? WELL...thats another loooooong story. but if ever plan on following through with psychology, i MAY want to take a whack at the MCAT: *MAJOR SIGH* now why can't i just be a journalist in peace? ...oh yeah...i'll be poor...and living in a box....*ANOTHER MAJOR SIGH*

....anyway...back to being bored....:D

P.S.: KATY PERRY = AMAZING-NESS. if you like lily allen, i recommend taking a whack at her...and yes, i am enjoying the word 'whack'...AND not only is she friends with PEREZ, she's like zooey deschanel's long lost twin...and zooey = my girl crush...so HEY. what about that? LOL.

i am BORED. and headachy.

and after doing shit (a.k.a. procrastinating) for the past 4 hours...or actually lets just call it the day, it occurred to me to blog about my boredom. which means a boring entry...yay!

in any case, in one month and a half school is over, grade 12 is over, HIGH SCHOOL IS OVER. NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. and i gotta sat, i truly completely hate school by this point, i hate the order of it, the 'responsibility' if you know what i mean, the authority, the people...it just puts a bad taste in my mouth. so when school is up i am gonna CELEBRATE...no not get drunk, like i'd like to. perhaps i'll drink as much milk as possible so that i become...i dunno...that was going nowhere. so really, i'm not even toughing it out through this time, i'm making it hard for myself- unintentionally. i can't help it.

i have A TON of stuff to do, and have developed severe procrastination. what am i to do? *sigh*

this morning i ate an entire bag of popcorn on my own...for breakfast...i felt so dirty afterwards...wish i was a binger...no, take that back...ah jeez.

if only i had self-control.

hey darlings.

which actually reminds me, i still have to finish watching the rest of the episodes of dirty sexy money i've missed (and recommend)...seth gabel = the hotness...and oh yeah, the show is great too, lol. speaking of that, i still have to catch up on house, er, one tree hill, nip/tuck...etc. good thing though, its not like thats a list of math problems i have to work through. :D

SO, i just thought i would fill you guys in on my day today, which had one interesting hour. my sister insisted months ago i should write my 'adventures at school' down, because i frequently have weird stories from school...lol? in any case, i had my philosophy class second period, and there was a trip scheduled, that only a few kids had signed up to go on (i wasn't in the mood to leave town...ok, well not town, but that sounds so much more dramatic, right?). in any case, i show up to class with my friend, B, and end up waiting outside the door for 15 mins only to see that theres no teacher, no light, and a locked door. basically our class had been ditched, *sigh* happy sigh though, because hey, free spare period! yay, right?

...not really. i left the school with my friends to walk down to the park, which was about a 10 min walk away. now, i have never really explored that side of the high school before, but its very shady. i'm talking bad smells, broken glass, stray dogs, loud music, run down apartment buildings...far cry from whats only a few metres away on the other neater side of the school. SO, we walk and i feel my somewhat new but beautiful red flats (that just refuse to get broken in) stabbing the backs of my ankles...i think hey, its a short walk, my feet will be fine. so we walk, and i see something moving at the top corner of my left eye, and theres this greasy, shirtless, middle-aged, sweating man peering down at me and my two friends from the...i guess, 6th floor of the building hollering down at us...ick. my first time experiencing that, actually, and he continued hollering until we were out of sight - very uncomfortable, not flattering at all (is it bad if i say a wee bit?)...he specifically liked 'the black one', as he screamed, being my friend wearing a black outfit...*sigh* idiot.

anyway, we continue, and pass by a tiny daycare for kids, and my friend B starts staring into the glass windows, cupping her hands round her eyes, smiling and waving and baby talking to the the kids inside, who are looking incredibly scared at the moment. picture it as though you're at a pet shelter and cooing at the puppies...yeah. it was like she was talking to dogs, she completely ignored the teachers inside glaring at us for staring at the kids like that. *again, sigh* as i manage to pull her away, we continue on, and i manage to catch a rather nice reflection of myself in the reflective glass....NICE, i think. because recently, i've been feeling *fat* ...lets just say it. i haven't been eating right or even attempting to work out...jeeez. these things require effort, none of which i have.

alright, so as we continue to the park, my feet are feeling sweaty and insanely prickly and i can feel the bruise thats already formed there. but i relentlessly continue, not saying a word. after all, i've actually gotten compliments for these shoes, and to say they're ripping my feet apart would ruin their reputation. SO, we get to the park, and i have to say, SWINGS ROCK. i miss them. have to go again soon. so we discuss important issues, like how you can lose your virginity by horseback riding, and is it possible to do so by riding a plastic bouncing horse in a park? hmmm...

while there, i see a friend of mine, D, who is there not with his girlfriend, but A girl, and they seem *close*. i ignore this, thinking w/e. he doesn't really try to hide it from me. and we haven't been talking for awhile so maybe its not my problem...not that it is in any case. jeez. i care too much about other people's shit...gotta stop. so, after a bit, we decide to head into the ravine, a few metres away from the park. now the ravine is known as like a lover's pit, you go down there if you wanna be alone/together/touch/be naked/make out/do stuff. lol. in any case, we go on, walk around for a bit, and when i walk out with not B, but A, my other friend, a group of greasy guys from my school start hollering as well, who are fairly far away, in the basketball court, screaming, "lesbians!" well, sure, why not? we did a take a picture of me grabbing her ass, so hey. i was for a minute. :D do everything once!

...not to mention i saw D get even closer with his new random girl farther down in the ravine...hmm...

as we leave to get back to the school for lunch, i can feel the blood from the backs of my feet; sticky, and the shoes continuously cut into my skin...no longer stabbing or poking but CUTTING...OUCH. i managed to walk there half out of my shoes half in them...get to the bathroom only to see my ankles in disgusting shape...

i then see my other friends who inform me, that my idiot philosophy teacher marked the entire class absent that morning for not going on the trip and didn't bother to even leave us with a sub. teacher...wtf? i go to the office, inform the secretaries of the stupid situation...and they seem to agree that she didn't use her brain...

...go to the bathroom...wipe off my feet, insert some hastily folded toilet paper into my shoes to cover my ankles, only to make them more uncomfortable....go home for lunch...switch shoes + grab socks = heaven! ....back at school...home in the next few hours...still feel the cuts on my ankles which were not nearly as bad as expected once i cleared away the blood...and yeah.

...how was YOUR day?

hey guys.

so first off, lets start with something thats nagging at me. one of my friends, lets call her T, well...she's bulimic. yes, bulimic. how do i know this? well, let's start at the beginning. we used to be closer, not best friends, but pretty decent friends. this year, we only have one class together, one that she rarely comes to...she's been skipping so many classes so often this year. but T has always been somewhat of a person who doesn't necessarily do what they're 'supposed' to do, regardless, she's not a bad person, she's great actually; very funny. :D BUT, since I only get to talk to her rarely this year, my friend (who is closer to T this year than I have been) told me that she had to tell me something about T, that isn't good, but she has to get it off her chest. and that's what it was...T is bulimic and she had told my friend about it. now, T has had quite the past. 2 years ago, she'd been cutting herself, and last year she was...promiscuous? i guess thats the word. in any case, she's always been my friend. of course i've hated some of the the things she's done, but w/e. now, this has been bugging me all day. what do i do? of course, i can't tell her my friend told me w/o her knowing, or she would be really upset. so i'm going to make an effort to talk to her more often and see if I can pry the information out of her until she tells me...not that I'm sure that she will tell me. in any case, i feel like if i know this is going on, i should do something. my friend is in a good position to do something but what exactly? i don't know too much...i don't know how serious it is, or when it started. her family doesn't know.

thats another thing. she has nice parents, a nice sister, nice friends, everything is good...obviously something is bothering her...but what? why? i don't get it. i wish i did. she told a teacher about it, who has been very hopeless and useless...which is sad. i would expect more. her parents didn't even know how often she'd been missing class. i just...i don't know.

...i have always wondered what 'R.S.V.P.' stands for. am i an idiot for wondering this? possibly. i have always known what it means, don't get me wrong: respond soon. so now, i have finally remembered to google it, after literally years of trying to remember to google it.

R.S.V.P. = "Répondez s'il vous plaît"....it's French! Respond please. Wow. that really took a burden off my back, and i will never forget it. LOL. i am really making myself laugh in this ridiculously unnecessary post. it's 1:21 AM, I'm not tired, and I just thought why not share my findings with the rest of the world? and it occurs to me now, that a lot of people probably did not even know what that stood for.

i <3 you google. marry me?

hey guys. so, not much to report on, really, i just felt like typing, which is rare, lol.

so, this week is a long weekend, with easter and whatnot, so i am on the second last night of my break and it's...nice? i mean, its nice not having to worry about school, but i really don't have much to do. school takes up 70% of my day so without that, i am really stuck.

i've been supposed to be working all day, and after waking up at 3 pm, and then getting on the comp, nothing was going to get done. lol, its sad really, i could get a lot done, but i'm not feeling it.

...did you know brody jenner is kim kardashian's step-brother? ....not that i care...

so...i've recently gotten into lipstick jungle without really admitting it to myself. i swore i would not like it and refuse to take part in it, because brooke shields annoys me and it just will never be as good as cashmere mafia (which honestly, is not even that great, but still addictive). i need a tv show involving 3-5 successful females in my life...i don't know why... but anyways, i've watched most of the LJ episodes now, and i like it...yes...*i like it.* its good, and brooke shields no longer annoys me, though it will take time for her to gain my liking (which won't be too hard, by the looks of it). of course, LJ has flaws just like CM, but it'll do. especially if CM gets canceled, like critics are reporting, sadly.

also on the tv front, i am four shows behind on nip/tuck...which is an EXCELLENT show by the way guys, totally check that out. its really racy (did i just use that word?), but its insanely good & funny & double the eye candy. i am also three episodes behind on house...which i am avoiding because it's gotten so miserably boring & monotonous...i dunno...

BUT with the strike over, TV should be looking good. i await GG, Grey's, Ugly Betty, ER, Brothers & Sisters....

*sorry for the boring post...:D